Shame

The clearer my personality becomes the more I'm pushed away and Rejected for how aggressive I am, bold I am and loud I am. Reprimanded for how scandalous my actions are, Shamed for how hard I punch back, cuss back and fight back. As much as rude, harsh, and sharp I am, I'd still fight for the closest ones to me, defend them, and save them with all of my heart.

I'm just painted out to be bad, bad for my right to refuse, to say no, to shout back, to be who I am. I'm so sick of them coming at me again, and for how much I am supposed to please them and satisfy their guts so they give themselves a chance to absorb the fact that this is my outer shell. They are all mad at me when I get mad back at them as if I'm supposed to be as peaceful as I can to fit in, to be loved and wanted. 

Feeling their careless whispers everywhere around my head, warning each other not to play with me, not to talk to me, and that its better to for me feel left out, hopefully, I will behave, hopefully, some of my superego will break down. 

Those hardcore assumptions that are made about me, made it look like a race between all those pussy niggas for who is going to be the first fucker to break my heart and get my confidence torn apart, for who is going to get his name engraved on my face first, for who is going to degrade me for how soft am I from inside. 

They shamed me for how small my circles are, for how much I'm insecure, for how so little my confidence is. I wonder if I could have been more respected and appreciated if I had much more powers over everything. It's not me wondering what can I do to tame down my boldness a bit so I can fit in.

I will always be that loud voice you hate, that hard punch through the face that you fear, that raised fist you make fun of, that flip off that fucks up your standard, that offbeat of the rhythm that you find annoying. I'm still going to be scandalous, still standing tall against the crashing waves of hate, judgment, and rejection.